New World Trade Center making eerie sounds – to me, that is a perfect sort of accident. What better to remind us of the past which we should not soon forget. What better way to be reminded, than in relation to our efforts to show that we remain ‘unaffected’ by the attacks.

I am an aficionado of ghost stories. The metaphysics of it appeal to me less than the opportunity to revisit history with the people who made it, or experienced it in the making, in tow. We really ought to remember those who died along with the symbolic destruction of the former buildings when witnessing the ‘phoenix’ that has now risen from those ashes. To me, therefore, this whistling or moaning, however come by, is a delight. I don’t see it as a curse as much as a blessing.

I was ‘odd’ in my reaction to 9/11 in that I did not leap to anger and retributive intent so much as I stood in shock and awe and underwent personal contemplation in its aftermath. For me, in my contemplation, it was a ‘spiritual’ hit we took that day. Only the most ardent denialists can say that this country did nothing to deserve it, especially as symbolized by those buildings. Symbolic of our financial might, world power, and ego driven pride, which we have come to exercise largely without conscience, and not just in the world ‘out there,’ but here at home as well.

To me it was an attack against the hubris of believing that the power so symbolized could never be touched or brought low by the ‘little guy’ and I hope that we won’t forget that aspect of the attacks, much as most of us would like to forget. Hell, I wish people would contemplate it thusly for the first time, as I perceive that most have not done so, as yet.

We all know our days of empire are numbered – why don’t we prepare emotionally for that foreseeable demise? Why don’t we contemplate in what way its demise might be appropriate or even desirable? Why, if we are truly as powerful as we believe ourselves to be, can we only react with aggression, denial, and foolhardy repetition of the past? In doing so, we have cost ourselves far more than the terrorists did on that fateful day.

And, so, I hope the new world trade center keeps right on moaning, even after all of the windows have been placed, and despite all efforts to cure it from doing so. That is my hope! Because in those moans we might just pause yet to remember the humanity in play that day, as opposed to the mere replacement of our symbolic structures, i.e. our materialism. We really could stand to do so, however painful that process is posed or might yet prove to be. It’s called healthy, and we aren’t healthy, that much is painfully obvious.

Predation. What a concept. Not one most of us want to consider when it comes to our fellow man and yet failure to consider predation might make you critically susceptible to predation. And so, sadly, it is something that is best considered, sooner rather than later, when it might be too late to avoid it.

As indicated, I only recently extricated myself from a dating relationship with someone I’ve come, more and more, to conclude was a predator. It occurs to me that when he and his soon to be ex-wife, as he reported to me, colluded in choosing me as his next conquest, it was in viewing me as prey to his predation. They liked to call me ‘Marilyn’ – as in Monroe – which while initially, seemingly obviously, flattering (and absurdly so, except perhaps in that I am currently a size 10 or 12, yet still ‘sexy,’ one might say, as he did), it was due to a like perceived ‘vulnerability’.

So, here I am now, seriously considering the ways in which I am perhaps opening myself up to predation as a result of perceived and/or real vulnerability. It brings up a lot for me to consider, including that this may be why a predator appeared in my life, and at a time of especially acute personal vulnerability for me, so that I might consider this more fully, about myself, and at large.

Generally speaking, people who care about others and concepts such as ‘justice’, beyond a surface level designed to give the appearance of ‘getting along well with others’ done mostly for their own purposes, are viewed as ‘weak’ by the majority of our society, if not openly, than perceptibly. It is in this sense that we are in a sort of cultural ‘Catch 22’ in that the lack of care toward the other is the problem, but being the change you want to see in the world by caring sets you up for predation.

I think it also aggravates people, generally, who don’t want to ever have to consider in what way they might be their brother’s keeper. And, I think Capitalism has made this idea of ‘brother’s keeper’, to the minds of many, an insane notion to be squelched like flames that might set the house afire.

In wondering – how did we get here – collectively unable to consider our own potential vulnerability in assessing how to address vulnerability at large, one has to conclude that we have in some sense raised predation to a higher form of being, than vulnerability. In doing so, we are naturally drawn to deny our own vulnerability or else risk becoming prey, ourselves. In some sense, it seems to me, therefore, we are collectively very much aware of the psychopaths among us and are very much dancing to their tune (as they see themselves as higher life forms and we seem to be agreeing with that assessment).

Many people are waking up to this it seems – more and more astute observations as to this particular issue among issues are found in articles and comments to articles that seek to address the ills of our time.

We can only be agreeing with the self-assessment of the superiority of predators out of fear, for there is nothing rational about predator worship. Predation cannot be morally vindicated. In fact, predators are not what you’d call human, and so it is humanity itself that is at risk today in our world as a result of the elevation of predators to a seemingly agreed upon higher life form status than the rest of us, who, like it or not, are vulnerable to predation.

Denying vulnerability not only won’t save us from being vulnerable, it may well seal our fate as against the predators among us. And, so, we must consider both – predation and vulnerability, if we want to understand what has gone wrong with us, collectively, with any hope of fixing it. That is my conclusion and I’ve given it A LOT of thought! I hope you all will give it some real thought, too. That might be a start down a saner path for all of us – a damned good start, too. It is, I believe, the very crux of what is presenting itself as crises in our world today.

The Psychopath Next Door

I must admit that, like many, when I thought of psychopaths, I thought of the likes of Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, and Charles Manson. I never thought about people I know, like, and enjoy hanging out with, as potential psychopaths.

My naïveté was changed by a recent, fairly long term, just under a year, online dating experience. Even now I am more than hesitant to state that this person is a psychopath, a sociopath, or a narcissist (and from the ground I’ve covered, those tags are an overlapping jumble of psycho-jargon). But in trying to process questions that arose for me by journaling and doing online research, I was led, time and again, to such subject matters. And so, while I am reluctant, I am also now more than curious about it. I have to admit, at times, I’ve felt a little obsessed to shorten my learning curve on the subject.

What about him led me to suspect him of being a psychopath? I’ll start with first impressions. There was just something about the way in which he held his head a bit too high, as if having just signed a prestigious document with a flourish; in the way he sold himself to me (“I’m a good man” – just ask my soon to be ex-wife and my mother – sure enough, ‘yes,’ they said at his encouragement – but I just kept thinking, ‘isn’t that for me to decide?’ and ‘why’s he selling me so hard?’); and, perhaps most compelling of all – he did have ‘the stare’ – he would often just bore holes into me upon arriving at my place while I was busy making dinner or getting ready to leave and it wasn’t something I could make light conversation around, either. I found it unsettling in a way that left me ruminating to myself, then journaling, and then researching for answers.

Another thing that rankled me was how he ‘chose me’ and told me matter-of-factly that he’d done so, as if that were that, jettisoning other candidates in the process, some caught unawares, and without conferring with me ahead of time – presumptuous, that I would be nothing but flattered and full of cheer to be the chosen one. In fact, I was startled and disturbed by the way he just sprung that on me – as if I were nothing but a receiver of his edict, but it was too soon for me to call everything to halt, particularly in the face of such positive reinforcement.

I did, however, state that I thought he really ought not to give up this opportunity, so soon out of a long term marriage, to play the field. Oddly, he sort of immediately smirked that he wouldn’t – and, so, why then, the statement? For me, I suppose – he was choosing me, and I needed to know that for his purposes.

I refused to promise exclusivity, although I did admit that I did not have the energy at that point to keep up the online dating search and had no other ready prospects of interest. I did have residual extreme feelings for someone who did not reciprocate or at least not much and I did not see as a long term prospect, besides, as well as someone who was interested in me, that I did not feel drawn to myself.

I was content to just bang around with this unsuspected-as-of-yet-of-serious-psycho-emotional-issues person for a while and see how it might shake out and so that’s what I did. I figured that, so long as I was honest about where I was or wasn’t coming from, I would not be guilty of any sort of false pretense.

He made my choice easy by being agreeable to accompanying me on what are, at large, considered to be chick adventures, causing the other women to inquire of me where I’d met this extraordinary man – as their men were not so inclined to attend spiritual healing events, for one. I must admit, I found myself rationalizing away any doubts I may have felt early on by virtue of this seeming high compatibility in relation to activities.

When my research into psychopathy kicked in, I learned that this is what is known as ‘mirroring’ and it’s something ‘they’ do, especially in the initial stages of the relationship. Another early tactic ‘they’ employ, that he used as well, is known as ‘love bombing’ – basically talking up their feelings for you to you and giving you a send up about the prospect of a committed relationship with ‘them’. He told me he loved me, and I was not inclined to say it in kind and so did not, keeping with my personal pledge of honesty at all times.

Also, moving quickly is one, which he did as well. He wanted me to move in with him and when I shared something unhappy about my current roommate, he leapt at the chance to ‘save me’, even clearing it with his wife so that he could invite me to move into what was their marital residence. I understood the sense that I might need to be ‘saved’, but it was a less than fully informed response. Once again, he seemed all too willing to presume things about and for me where our ‘relationship’ was concerned.

But, he did allow me to set him straight, which I did rather forcefully, telling him I wasn’t going to upset my own applecart so he could see what it might be like to play house with me. He didn’t like that and I didn’t really care. It was the truth, which I’d told myself would suffice to allow me to continue with this rather wonky individual with whom I seemed to share a lot, at least in terms of interest in activities, anyway.

And, active, we were. I was really up for this, too, having just come through a very intensely personally challenging situation involving multiple deaths and resultant estates and further resultant bad feelings within my family of origin. I was happy for the distraction – thrilled, even.

Interpersonally, things continued clunkily – sex was no exception. He seemed to think little of foreplay – especially, emotional foreplay. It also seemed as though I were to be solely concerned for and about ‘getting mine’ as that was all he seemed to be concerned about, only all about himself, of course. I read about it somewhere online – the agentic virus communal approach to sex. Granted, men are likely more agentic and women more communal, generally speaking, but his ‘hop on it, why dontcha’ attitude out of the gate was chilling for me. I actually begged off initially because it seemed such a cold and sudden proposal.

But, my continued efforts in the face of that discomfort seemed to be all he needed to feel that things were ‘fine and dandy’; whereas, I was far from sure and in fact grew to feel more and more reticent about the whole endeavor. We had some bad exchanges that were telling with him showing a misogynistic side I hadn’t seen before. I was also still very much aware of those magic feelings that are possible by virtue of my unrequited love experience and was therefore a tough sell for any stoic sort of approach to sex.

There were other things that didn’t suit me so swell either – he liked to split every bill with an exacto knife and to keep strict tabs on our turns at spending at all times. When confronted, he showed little willingness to concede it suggested anything was wrong – he didn’t understand that the complaint was registered emotionally and not just monetarily. The money was the least of it, from my perspective, but he just kept focused on that – trying to shame me out of having the discussion on an emotional level, it seemed. He also threw in my face that he’d taken me out for a nice dinner on Valentine’s Day some three or four months hence at that point. Whipppee! ‘Don’t say I never did anything for yah,’ eh?

He also became critical of my body while we were on vacation – although his body was far from stellar – short, balding, hairy, and, as he had voiced his objection with mine, a bit over weight. I felt it more like a hit to my self image and esteem – I sensed that in his view I thought a bit too much of myself. Too much for his purposes in controlling and manipulating me, that is – and he was right as rain about that – praise God! No apologies there, mon ami. I took to telling him I thought we were more like ‘friends’ to ease him into my assessment as it was quite different from his, as he presented to me, anyway.

In ending it, sex was my excuse – my level of sexual attraction was – alas! - too low. It really was the best note to strike, even though I felt slightly guilty about it as he’d played the victim a bit on this point where his failed marriage was concerned. But again, it was the truth, the purest truth, the truth I’d felt manipulated to hide that didn’t want to be hid anymore. He gave me the silent treatment for the duration of a four mile hike we were on, tried to argue my situation to me in an unattractive way that might make me feel compelled to stay with him, which I flatly refused to ‘swallow,’ and then, very unceremoniously, took up immediately with another women whom he met online nary a week later.

In doing the last, he confirmed every suspicion I’d had and then some. Much as it was perhaps the most unflattering of all his careless rebuffs, I was grateful. He was gone. I was done. Little did I realize in the immediacy of the end of our ‘relationship’ that my sense of having been violated was just beginning. I’ve spent more weeks than I care to admit just belching up bile toward this ‘man’ and fervently seeking affirmation about his true self, as opposed to the false one he tried to force upon me. But, I am glad; my instincts were good – only next time, I’m going to act on them much, much sooner.

Alternet gets it.

http://www.alternet.org/media/have-our-lives-turned-real-life-horror-movie?akid=11181.132665.bv7jpO&rd=1&src=newsletter928640&t=9

Much as I'm not happy to see an article like this - it lets me know I'm not living in some paranoid fantasy, at least not all by myself.

Please forgive me, but I'm going to predict something I wish I didn't feel like predicting - this 'extreme weather' is just going to keep coming now, like a true nightmare - that's what I feel and believe.

Where do I go from the alien agenda? Only backwards, I suppose.

Many years prior to 2012, probably the best thing I read which brought together intelligently and cohesively the stops along the journey that I personally felt placed upon by unknown forces, was Daniel Pinchbeck’s 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl. I have a lot of respect for Pinchbeck, despite his appearance, which is not designed to capture a following beyond the artistic fold, but in some sense, he’s the Obama of the alternative reality.

By this I mean, he can’t ‘do it’ alone and the majority might not agree with where he’s going or has gone with what seems to be, primarily, an extraordinary ability to articulate worthy concepts and thoughts. I was much impressed with his evolver.net at its inception, because it allowed people to interject into a blog of consciousness building through the sharing of personal experience and thoughts. I found it to be an extraordinary ‘gift’ of sorts to those awakening in their own way to come together in the virtual realm.

I don’t wish to negate his efforts at all; however, it now seems to have merged into his realitysandwich.com site, which for me is much more esoteric than is practical given the underpinnings of the message he once channeled allegedly from Quetzalcoatl. I still bop in every now and again and know Pinchbeck is still very much committed to the ultimate cause, but I find the general take away too esoteric for the most part, so much so, that I don’t feel ‘fed’ as much as I’d hoped for, once upon a time, with regard to the edgy reality he originally stood for when writing about 2012.

Now, 2012 has come and gone, and Pinchbeck has at least one child to feed, so I’m not going after him personally in this seeming critique – not at all, because he’s done much more than most of us, as it stands, but we need more than creative ‘bread and circuses’ don’t we?

Maybe not, maybe that’s as good as it gets, in all truth, I don’t know – I mean, it’s a process and maybe that’s the process we need to engage in, but as far as any immediate itch that might need to be scratched, it feels like a light weight loofah to me. I mean it might remove some of the dead skin, but it’s not getting into the subterranean any time soon. Not saying it won’t eventually, but God knows how long that might take. And, I wonder, do we have that much time?

Then again, what are ‘we’ trying to accomplish? I mean, I share Pinchbeck’s pain, and I know he still lives in something like a state of pain from my bopping in every now and again, so certainly I’m not trying to hold him to the task of savior. I’m ‘just sayin’, as we used to say.

So, maybe that explains my own foray into blogging here, I don’t know. Maybe I just want to ‘talk turkey’ a bit more than Pinchbeck seems inclined to do, but then again, I haven’t suffered the wrath of critics as he has and I’m not the cultured artist that he is either.

I must say one thing it did inspire in me, and I daresay countless others from what I understand, is an interest in ayahuasca. I just ordered a new book that speaks of the experience with this new mecca of the soul many are taking to the Amazon to undergo the vine experience with Shamans there and intend to give a book report once I’ve read that piece.

I’ve also been directed to listen to Terence McKenna through my attention to Pinchbeck and to return to my formerly only errant experience with shrooms, because I’m not so compelled as to buy a ticket to the jungle and although it might be a slightly different trip that psilocybin puts me on, it’s the much more accessible alternative to ayahuasca.

I’ve yet to take the ‘heroic dose’ of five grams recommended by McKenna, however, and my three gram trip is still haunting me and egging me on, but I’m cautiously waiting for a sense of the ‘right time’ to take it to the next level. I did ‘get an ‘A’ on my last/ three gram trip, as in, I saw a lot of As out in nature, mostly carved on trees, but also one on a stone I found on the beach and others made of fallen limbs, and crazily enough it continues to this day (some seven months later).

It wouldn’t be so crazy to me if the very first one I saw didn’t cause me to proclaim “I got an A!” and feeling that to be the case with regard to my adventures toward shrooming. Tripping, mind you, is not the regular experience – these things are profound in that state and while it appears that someone long ago had a propensity for carving solitary As on trees along the trail I was on, I’ve noticed them without looking for them on other trails, since, while not tripping. ‘Universe’ is definitely f*&king with me.

At one point, I proclaimed that if I saw another A, I’d have to take them seriously and soon thereafter came across this one that made me feel undeniably astounded. Admittedly, there are As everywhere out there in the woods – go on, look for them and you’ll see, but I still feel that there is some sort of encouragement for me personally in seeing them. I’ll have to post a picture of the stone I found on the beach, because it’s a humdinger.

So, anyway, McKenna is a major voice, too bad he passed away prematurely. He’d have been a great guy to have around now. But, all we can do is listen and learn and apply what he had to say and maybe it’s important that he said what he did before the heat got turned up and on high, because it reminds us that this shit is not new, it’s been a long time coming. You’d think he was among us now the way he talks. I like to listen to him on youtube – just kick back and suck it up because he was a great orator, one of the best in my experience. And, I think he has/had good and important things to say.

So - hats off to Pinchbeck – that’s absolute, but I think we all need to think about what we might add to what he started and he’d probably like that, too.

Aliens among us?

In my efforts to locate answers to the dilemmas we face, and willingness to look beyond the norm for such answers, I have come, reluctantly, to entertain the subject of aliens. Reluctant, because I’m not a sci-fi nut, and, I think, understandably, I find the idea of the reality of aliens creepy and disturbing.

[If you are interested in contemplating the fact of aliens and haven’t heard of Travis Walton, that’s a good place to start. In particular the episode of Paranormal Witness that features the fellow loggers who witnessed and collaborate his abduction story.]

But, here’s the interesting rub in all of that ready discomfort – what if the aliens represent some otherwise hard to find hope for the long-term survival of our species? Some alternative thinkers of note who subscribe to this notion are Major Ed Dames, remote viewer, Clif High of webbots fame, and a variety of UFO and abduction researchers, including Harvard educated John E. Mack, among others.

I acquired a deeper appreciation of the real potential for this possibility by watching a DVD made by a local (mainline) MUFON group of a talk given by David M. Jacobs on his research into the abduction phenomenon – work in which he does not have much company, as he laments.

Most striking about Temple Professor Jacobs is his unassuming and seeming emotional authenticity in presenting the results of his research. Supporting this sense is his departure with many of his colleagues as to the hopefulness of the abduction phenomenon. Jacobs is clearly unsettled by what he has learned; specifically, a hybrid race has been created and hybrids are now being integrated into and among the human population, with the assistance of the abductees under the direction and control of the aliens.

Further, it seems they are anticipating and planning for an ‘event’ which will require coordination of the movement of humans, somehow. Abductees are being shown what they will need to do when this ‘event’ occurs to keep the population calm and moving along, apparently, much like traffic cops.

I have to state, this taped talk did make a deep impression on me, and I thought about it long and hard for hours afterward. As stated, I find Jacobs believable and to exhibit integrity in that he doesn’t suggest that anyone take him at his word, as he himself wouldn’t be inclined to do so, were he us, and urges us all, if so inclined, to look into the matter for ourselves.

But, more than that, his expressed distress over what he has uncovered, mixed emotions and misgivings for having engaged in this work for so long (40 years), and stated embarrassment as to the statements he now feels compelled to make regarding his findings strongly suggest that he is on the up and up, to me, anyway. He’s not a grandiose person, at least.

He seems like a regular guy steeped in an irregular subject that is the cause of some alarm to him. I found myself feeling sorry for him, to a degree, as he seems exhausted by this torch he is carrying without much company or assistance. And, clearly, to his mind, this lack of attention on all of our parts is not a good thing, so no doubt he does feel burdened by his unique knowledge.

He is and acknowledges that most of his colleagues do not have or did not have the same bleak view he holds. In fact, quite to the contrary, many have felt encouraged to learn of this ‘alien agenda’, believing they are not in opposition to us humans, but rather an integral part of us or at least our history somehow and if not acting with our best interests (at heart?) then perhaps nonetheless their actions are or will be in our interest, ultimately.

Jacobs, however, feels and believes that the aliens are much more interested in usurping us than they are in helping us. He believes that they are disinterested in the majority of the human population as it relates to their agenda, that only the abductees might share some benefit of their plan, and that, ultimately, they seek to replace the human population with their hybrids.

I’m no expert, have not done the abductions research for myself, but have read or observed several of the others who have done the research on this topic and tend to believe or to favor their more optimistic view. But then, I’m willing to consider that this hybridization is necessary to keep at least some part of the human race going as a species because, let’s face it, we are driving ourselves to extinction, along with most all other life on this planet and my guess is it won’t be long, even, before we accomplish that maligned task.

The abductees do not get ‘filled in’ on why or how this alien agenda works (apparently, it’s on a ‘need to know’ basis); however, when questioned pointedly as to why this or that, the aliens have stated that this is the only way they can do what needs to be done with regard to the human race and this planet. Vague, but, somehow when I think about it, that makes a lot of sense – putting myself in the shoes of the aliens (is that possible?), anyway.

It’s all a crazy crap shoot.

The End.

An undeniable truth:

Seeing photos of the destruction from the Midwest tornado outbreak yesterday, noting how similar they are to so many photos of like destruction these days. I paused, this time, however, somewhat unable to comprehend the association between the photos and the news at hand.

As flatly stated by the talking heads, it is late in the season for tornados, especially any that far North, and packing that sort of destruction, even more rare. And this, little more than a week from the strongest storm ever to make landfall hitting the Philippines.

My reaction, upon processing? ‘We’re f*&ked!’ It seems, eventually, wherever you are, this new weather phenomenon is going to find you somehow. As many interviewed in connection with the Midwest tornados are stating, ‘you think it won’t ever happen where you are, until it does.’ One day, you are living in that complacent bubble and the next you are looking at years of work just to get back to anything resembling normal and likely living with more fear of a recurrence after completing all of that work.

Trouble for me, as someone who has not ignored the bad news as to what we are looking at environmentally, is I don’t believe we can avoid it. Much as I am disturbed by the lack of emotion displayed as these disturbing events roll out and on, I am unimpressed by the screeching sometimes heard beseeching us to pay attention to climate change. Why?

Take it from me, all it’s going to do is convince you that ‘we are f*^ked’, so I’m not sure how valuable that is – unless you believe it is better to live appropriately depressed about the awfulness of life as opposed to optimizing the bliss of remaining oblivious.

I’ve come full circle from wanting to raise awareness as to what we are facing environmentally to condoning the ‘head in the sand’ approach. When there is nothing you actually can do about something – why stare it down, head on? At least not until you have to, in the form of a tornado, a flood, a tsunami, or the like, hitting your neighborhood and/or home. Sad statement? Yes it is, but, in my view, an undeniable truth.

If you haven't seen this home video, it's worth a look:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1WMEwd8Al0